Status Update: A Facebook Romance

Status Update: A Facebook Romance

by Axel Arth

[A man and woman stand facing front, towards the audience. They will not make eye-contact for the following lines.]

Both: (Name) and (Name) are in a relationship!

Man: (Full Name) is the happiest he’s ever been!

Woman: (Full Name) can’t believe it finally happened!
Man: (Full Name) is actually enjoying himself again!
Woman: (Full Name) remembers how nice it feels to be wanted!
Man: (Full Name) is PARTY exclamation point exclamation point one!
Woman: (Full Name) won’t be able to make it tonight. Sorry guys!

Man: (Full Name) had a great time last night! If only he could remember any of it…

Woman: (Full Name) is concerned.

Man: (Full Name) didn’t fucking do anything wrong!
Woman: (Full Name) just wants the truth.
Man: (Full Name) thinks other people should keep their damn mouths shut about things that don’t concern them.

Woman: (Full Name) has had enough.

Man: (Full Name) says fuck it all.

Woman: (Full Name) just wishes you’d give it a chance.

Man: (Full Name) wonders what your deal is. You know who you are.

Woman: (Full Name) hurts so hard she doesn’t know if she can go on. Winky smiley face.

Man: (Full Name) just wants some damn space.

Woman: (Full Name) is at peace with this. (Full Name) is no longer in a relationship.

Man: [Turning to Woman for the first time]: Wait…what?

Woman: (Full Name) feels lonely.

Man: No, hold on.

Woman: (Full Name) is.
Man: (First name of Woman), look at me. Please.
Woman: (Full Name) feels like someone dropped her heart in to a bucket of boiling tears…

Man: No. Stop. We haven’t even talked about this in person.

[He turns her to face him.]

Woman: (Full Name)…I…I…we need to talk, don’t we?

Man: Yeah.


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